word

verbal diorrhea

the feeling you get for assholes who talks non stop,
about things that i couldn't even remotely care about.

things like where they go for vacation,
what their parents do,
how much they earn -

fuck, these people are fucking boring.

annoy me

honey,

i must be honest with you. 

please forgive me that i hadn't had the guts to do this earlier.

truth is, anyone else who talks about buildings, trains, politicians, RMK-10 or everything emotionless and static could easily bore me. there's a reason why i quit reading the news. because other than love and life (and  maybe a bit of food and out-of-wordly things), nothing else interests me much anymore. rock 'n' roll aside, i'm fundamentally a hopeless romantic. surprise surprise.

well, that goes for anyone but you, though...

YOU ARE MY ONLY EXCEPTION.

the yellow note i gave you should remind us both why we're in this together, honey. we love each other for good and for worse, kan?

missing you like hell and currently am not interested to see or do anything until you come back. my only comfort is when i think of your voice, my our room and january.

your sayang

do you understand

tahukah kau, diriku, tak sanggup hidup bila kau jauh dariku?

- tompi, selalu denganmu

p/s: anybody who wished to listen to this song, please leave your comment. would love to spread the love (pain in the arse).

seth & the city

aku mula kenal bandar ni, sejak umur aku 17 tahun. oh mentahnya aku. ingat lagi dulu, kalau aku ke bandar ini - bandar cahaya, yang tak pernah lelap, penuh segala macam aktiviti gelap - aku akan berkomuter saja. berbackpacking sama deuter. bersama, kami akan jelajah kota, dan aku akan selalu teruja dengan orangnya, bangunannya dan segala macam parti yang takkan pernah ada atau sehebat di tempat lain di malaysia ni. and I also remember, how the wind smells and colors of the sky intrigues me. for me, everything is exciting to see in kl, than what I had back in n. sembilan. 

being what i am, a person who constantly seeks freedom and knowledge (and  one who would try anything outrageous and wrong, especially more when somebody told me not to) you can imagine how being born and living in n.sembilan brings great deprivation to me.

so at 17 and raging blood,  i swore to myself that i must conquer the city someday, at any cost. there i was at 17, creating images in my head. all the hopes, dreams and the kind of success i wished achieve once i'm in kl.

10 years after that, of which at least half of those years i resided full time in kl, i found something. something true and important.

that i was wrong. 

now, at 27 and still with a raging blood, i just can't wait to go back home or away from this shitty place. dreams and hopes and all the good stuff can survive and live anywhere. anywhere at all; even in a fucking penitentiary. 

which is why today, i deactivated my fb account and deleted all my past 2,871 yahoomails in hopes to relive life as a new person, yet again.

that's the best part about life - you can't rewind or fast forward it, but you sure can start all over again. 

i've been overhauled. oh yes!

I SHOULD START PUTTING DATES FOR MY ENTRIES.

Penting sebenarnya tarikh ni. Ianya perlu, sebagai bahan bukti dan sebagai pencetus untuk mengingatkan aku tentang semua yang hilang, yang pahit dan yang cantik.

tapi aku tak reti nak undo the settings. a lil' help, please?

from point (a) to pointless

apa korang buat bila kepala serabut?

no, not talking bout hair. i'm talking about the stuff you feel insida ya head. where you feel nothing is right.

i would guess for most, you'd share it with your partner. or your best buddies. your cat. or go facebook. or watch dvd...etc etc.

what if you have none of the options above? by none i mean, your partner and friends are not around, you have no internet connection or laptop or pc that you could connect to, and your dvd player is busted...you get the drill.

what would you do then?

running out of avenues, yesterday, i decided to spent time all on my own. it takes certain guts to do that, really. i walked all the way to klcc. i went to the toilet at 2nd floor, the ones where you have to pay 2 bucks. cleaned myself and look all dolled up. shop a lil' topshop. then i head straight to chillies grill & bar and enjoyed a good 2 hour to myself there, under the dimlight, with chicken crispies, ciggies and a magazine. and not one time did i spent thinking about how to clear the mess in my head.

yet, amazingly today, i feel so much calmer and happier than any other given day.

finally today, i made peace with mr. ignorance.

(L♂Vε) sick

 inspired from here

honey,

this is exactly.. (paused for breaths)

...exactly how i imagined our wedding outfit, venue and photos will be like.

these are exactly it. i'm not kidding. i stumbled upon this link somewhere. i swear, the resemblance between what i had in mind for years and what i saw, is just uncanny.

it's eerie to me knowing another person across oceans out there, had the exact same dreams i'm having.

u wouldn't mind wearing converse and ray bans, would you? ;)

xoxo,
your sayang

ada satu perasaan yang sukar digambarkan tiap kali aku melihat adik aku bermain piano. especially those of rachmaninoff. of course, perasaan kagum tak bole aku selindung. adik aku sudah menjangkau tahap yang bisa membuat mulut aku ternganga. and trust me, not many things or many people who can give me that.

on a different note, there are so many things in my head. some of the unimportant thoughts include:

a) kenapa ramai sangat budak² bawah umur dekat pavilion? kaya sangat diorang ni?

b) after several incidents, i've come to conclude that black men have a thing for me. these damn boobs!

c) somebody please lend me a good book. please. i am knowledge deprived!

d) i've found the perfect mate to kill time stare-gazing at people and judge them - zac!
e) i think it's perfectly normal to sleep or walk around naked.

time to get geared for the lrt! gonna be a long walk home. iPod shuffle, check!

tomorrow

alice smith school performing arts backstage

carpe diem.

now i understand why this latin expression is just so comforting. and it is especially perfect for somebody who's scared for the future as much as i am.

took me half of my age now to get what it really means.

i'm remembering a song now. it says ~i love you more today than yesterday...~

~but not as much as...~

let's not talk about tomorrow yet. 

kan, honey?

this is just, me.

ini otak saya.

otak, adalah sebuah wardrobe.

 pelbagai warna, saiz, bentuk dan ragam.

dan hari ini, aku adalah biru dan hitam.