mereka datang dan pergi. kawan-kawan. teman. sahabat. best friend. bffs. girlfriend. boyfriend. hell, even adik beradik, saudara mara.

terima kasih nikotin, tar, karbon monoksida, dan 4000 bahan kimia yang lain. hanya kamu yang ngerti apa itu setia.

ngerti ngak?

buat dia, si distant

terima kasih, cinta.

tiada kamu, dekat atas kerusi hijau ini juga aku akan mati.



bangun pukul 4 pagi. keluar rumah pada 6.30 pagi. sampai ke tempat kerja 7.00 pagi. tepat 8.15 aku ke tempat training. tepat jam 5 aku ke tempat kerja semula.

dan sekarang, tepat 8.10 malam, dan aku masih, di kubikel seorang diri. menyiapkan segala yang urgent sebelum aku ke johor, jumaat ni.

pesanan khas buat ketua-ketua jabatan yang lahanat,

ini. ini usaha aku yang kau orang takkan pernah nampak dan aku takkan pernah hebahkan pada kau. sebab aku tahu, someday, kau akan nampak juga siapa yang lebih layak.

aku akan pastikan kau nampak, sial.


explosions in the sky, live @ the temp koos

can you feel that?

the explosions, in your heart. the wanderings of your mind. the shine in your eyes.

let me introduce to you, the best legalised drug ever -

post rock.


if i run my own company someday, these are the kind of hair color that i allow, for my staff.
and i don't know why, most people find extreme hair colors or hair cuts disturbing.
i really don't get it.
it's just colors.
and hair grows back for fuck's sake.


look into my eyes. and find me.

i am in here, somewhere.


sekali air bah, sekali itu pantai berubah.

ya. sekali kau cemuh aku, sekali itu juga aku jadi lebih baik daripada kau, kawan. seorang yang bijak pernah sebut, 'people will forget what you said,  people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

betul. cuma dalam kes aku, aku takkan pernah lupa semua yang orang labelkan pada aku, apa yang mereka dah lakukan dan especially, akibatnya pada jiwa aku yang fragile ni.

that doesn't mean i won't forgive them. cuma, nak berdamai juga ada caranya. aku sering persoalkan kejujuran orang yang meminta maaf. bila kita minta maaf dari yang lainnya, biarlah di lakukan sejurus selepas pergaduhan. biarlah jujur. biarlah bersemuka. biarlah kita menangis. biarlah kita berpeluk. biarlah kita rasa keperitannya kehilangan orang itu.

setakat text standard send-to-all 'maaf zahir batin' yang datang setahun sekali, yakni time raya...

sorry beb. itu aku langsung tak boleh terima. that is not how i roll. 

comforting rebellion

hands down, this is the best malaysian advert ever appeared on tv.
ada substance, filming yang perfect, element² yang relevant dan,
most importantly, ia bikin bulu roma(ntika) aku tegak tercacak.
from digi, circa 2006.
separa nak gila aku carik iklan ni.

note: anybody knows who sang the tunes? sounded very much like a local band. hint me.

fools rush

memory, revisited. aku kene jadi emcee spontan for a ka-ree-yoe-kee (karaoke) event. rasa nak pengsan. nak marah pun ada. tapi menarik juga untuk find out how far i can take this. how far i can act. how long i can have watching the stupidity of others. i'm never good with crowds, never was, and yet people still think i have that thing where it just gives people the vibe.

yeah, whatever alright. what do these people know anyway.

they don't know that all i wanna do is just to throw eggs to their ugly, stupid faces and laugh at them so hard until my guts burst. people, they crave for fame. even if it takes em' to make a fool out of themselves.

in my head, they are pathetic fools.

in real world, i will be the pathetic ones if i screw up the emcee.


more intelligent movies please!

an education
(this movie makes the twilight saga looks like like real worthless piece of crap.) 

dead poets society
(robbin williams most oustanding performance. a classic. they should play this in every high school in my every fucking country.)

eat, pray, love
to be released august 13, 2010
(based on the book - written by a memoirist elizabeth gilbert - 'one woman's search for everything across italy, india and indonesia'. i've always loved true account stories. this is where i get my spiritual healing, not religion.)

the social network
to be released soon in 2010
(the trailer is only about a minute long, no photos, just words. and the tagline says 'you don't get to 500 million friends without making few enemies. i'm already so excited. hope it doesn't dissapoints. but they always do the minute you said that, though. we'll see. oh did i tell you that this is about the founder of facebook, mark zuckerberg? told ya, EXCITED GELL!)

from here to eternity
(made famous for its controversial content and kissing scene between burt lancaster and deborah kerr, during its time. paling meletup. sumpah!)

sepi itu indah
sometime in the 80's
(apa lu ingat gua movie mat saleh je layan? c'mon johnny, open up! im actually crazy about the book and the movie. i think it was well written and the plot was interesting. where to get this movie, again? i'm thinking arkib negara and rtm.)


pagi ni aku lambat lagi ke ofis. macam setahun yang lampau. imagine that. why the hell they still keeps me? i wouldn't know. or maybe i do.

anyways, there i was in the cab when kak rus called.

"en. xxxxxxx nak jumpa."

aku dengan penuh tenang, di dalam cab memandang ke luar tingkap menjawab, "sure. be there in 10 mins".(somehow, bila aku menaip ayat ni aku membayangkan yellow cab, di tengah² manhattan.)

remember, i was replying to the vp of my department. next in line to my head of dept.

along the way, the cab driver made a remark "cik mesti kerja hebat kan?". i laughed it off and told him "memang tak la".

the minute the cab reached the office main entrance, i paid him ten. the meter read 9.70. i just wished the cab driver terima kasih, and i was out.

at the lift i met my colleague. told her i was late. then the elevator arrived, we entered and i immediately pressed button 19. (that's where all the BIG dogs stay)

the immediate reaction i received from my friend was "wow".

reached the 19th and i straight went for the BIG dog. he asked several things about my assignment i was doing currently and i responded well. then suddenly he said "you look different today". i asked "how different" and he just said, "i don't know, just different".

so here's my point:

i realised that, being noticed is probably the easiest thing to do in this world. even when you don't dress well. it's all in your head. you want to feel fabulous? well think fabulous. you wanna be rich? sure, just think rich!

i don't have much in my wallet, i was running late to office and i was depressed about a lot of things. but this morning, i spoke to myself 'to hell with this shitty feelings and boredom'. so i did.

i took my time to dress up. put on my red lipstick. french twist my hair. wrapped the polka dot scarf around my neck. sing my favorite song. sipped my coffee and smoked my ciggie. the result? i felt damn good and it shows. when it shows, people notice. and you know you love it when people started to notice you.

and all i ever did was, acting.

i acted it all out in my head.

i acted and people think i'm richer, more beautiful and smarter.

oh how little that they know.


aku perlu:

- rambut baru dan warna rambut baru.
- buku berat, movie berat dan kamus berat .
- stok roti gardenia, strawberry & peanut butter jam, dan bekalan ais krim yang tak
- baca kesemua movie review si roger ebert dan pengkritik di web rotten tomatoes.
- melepak, merokok, dan merepek dengan mak hayam aku di harajuku desserts cafe,
- cari lebih banyak bunyi-bunyian khayal dreamwave, ala french.
- bersih.
- cari t-shirt² lama dan mula memotong untuk dipakai ke mana².
- kumpul RM800 untuk enrol ke kelas tentang fotografi dark room.
- lihat, dengar, dan rasakan setiap hidupan di sekeliling tanpa banyak bersuara.
- tonton  semula filem blow up, ma vie sexuelle, dan the readers.
- dapatkan semua filem indie epik si matt porterfield - putty hill, metal heads, dan
- tonton berulang kali gelagat epik si malcolm mcdowell dalam karya paling disturbing si
  stanley kubrick's clockwork orange. 
- khatamkan dan master-kan buku 100 greatest movies of the world.
- berpeluh.
- honey, in my bed.
- notakan semua mimpi dan soalan² gila dalam kepala aku.

of zac

inilah mak 'hayam' aku, zac.

he deserves to be featured in my blog as the best candidate (apart from my honey) to travel the world with me, someday.

and we all know that's a tough spot to earn.

spread this.

i'm looking for housemates.
nak cari housemates bukan senang.
especially when i only have 10 days to do so.
to find a housemate that aku dan housemate² lain boleh percaya dan suka.
jadi kengkawan, sila bantu spread the word.
oh, of course aku akan interview semua candidate.
ad ni bakal kelihatan di serata keramat, w.maju dan setiawangsa juga.
ad yang gua d.i.y-kan.
harapnya tak terlalu kecil untuk di baca :}
thanks kawan!


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