Kluang Railway Coffee
Aku sepatutnya bercuti hari ni, tarikh akhir tahun 2009, but here I am, still in office.
I'm leaving.
Fuck this shit.
I wanna get ready to get wasted tonight.
*Flash*
Lean on me, love.
Resolute
"Bye², Blackbird."
Resolusi aku masih sama sejak dari umur aku 18 tahun lagi. Rangkul kembali sang cinta. Ingati, pelajari dan relive semula semua happiness. Macbook. Travel. Publish comic. Buat kerja amal. Make a difference. Make my parents proud for giving birth to me, for once. Make a band. Get one guy I can make love with my whole life. Open up a diner with the gals. Gapai cita-cita untuk bebas dari semua rules dengan...
Oh ya, Paris.
Hmm, but would you call it a resolution if those you called resolution hasn't been resolved for almost 10 years?
If not, then I guess..I guess I'm just dreaming.
I and Love and You
A lot of times, I've wondered, love...
Is there really such thing as a happy ending for people like me?
Cos' now, nothing seems to be right. It gets harder everytime I try. Everytime I'm awake. Just when I need to look up and take a breather, it grabs me on the neck and split my head into two. This thing, it eats me up alive. The pain is even more unbearable when you're not there leaning by me. If I could die sleeping right now, I would have just slept.
But I can't do that without knowing if I'll ever see you again, in the end.
Flash.
Give me strength.
Flash.
Give me miracles.
Just promise me you'll be there when all of this ends, love.
Tanpa kau love, sumpah.. aku (hampir) mati.
Blackbird, Fly #2
Venue: Long whinding road of Johore rural
With: Bunch of nobodies
Gadget: Blackbird,
35mm film, on a 24x24mm frame
Effect: Triple exposure
Weather: Perfect Sunlight
Music: Over the Pond by The Album Leaf
Mood: Bitter, but hopeful. Blessed, but longing.
Idiotique
"Don't you dare point those fingers at me." - sms to my boss.
"Fuck you." - I yelled, to my boss.
"If we can cut this conversation, maybe I can do my work." - I almost yell, to PA of my big boss.
"You can say whatever you want, but this isn't personal. This is work I had to do, that's supposed to be done by somebody else who got paid 15K a month, who can't make it to office just because of some stupid fucking chicken pox." - I really yell, in front of other colleagues, to PA of my big boss.
Those above, are the kind of daily 'conversation' I had with the idiots here, where I work. Some genius guy said you can't win the war with idiots.
Untrue.
Yes, you can win the war with idiots.
No violence of any kind should be involved. It's not what you say, but how you say it. Give them a your piece of my mind, with the nicest, calmest tone of voice but yet firm - well at least that's how I try to roll. Easier said than done though. Cos' I've had glitches myself in getting the right tone. Most of the times, I just max my volume. Or in other words - yell. Probably not so widely acceptable method, but it sure is efficient. Those fuckers get their thing done right away when you do that. Give them those creeps. Especially, when you're the quiet ones there.
So why is it necessary for me to share you this?
Cita² #1
Kali terahir aku berhubungan dengan dia, hanyalah melalui telefon. Perbualan ringkas, sekadar mengemaskini kehidupan masing². Kami, tak lagi berjumpa macam dulu. Ya know, duduk di mana² kedai makan, two of us lonely souls, just talking through the night.
Masa memang punya kuasa untuk buat manusia merasa kehilangan.
Kadang² aku dapat rasakan apa yang aku punya sekarang, tak bertahan lama. Walau aku usaha separuh mati. Walau aku sacrifice nyawa sekalipun. Murphy's Law - if it's ought to go wrong, it will.
Jadi, kebelakangan ni, aku ambil banyak masa untuk lihat kembali masa lampau aku. Backtrack hidup yang bergerak pada kadar kelajuan yang membunuh ni. Dan aku cuba swallow semuanya. Cause and effect. Action versus consequences.
Kalau sebelum ni aku sedikit ragu untuk meneruskan kehidupan di negara luar, well now, after all that, I'm convinced, that I must go.
It's for the best.
Pastinya, aku perlukan masa yang amat panjang untuk lupakan dia, dan segalanya. Tapi dia, aku rasa tak ada masalah untuk teruskan kehidupan tanpa aku. In fact, mungkin dia lebih senang tanpa aku pun.
Paris, tunggu aku ya. Someday we'll see each other and fall madly in love! ...alone together.
Angel(s)
A lot of people, are real nasty.
And then, juggling in between the nasties, are those kind friend(s) whom I called angel(s). Dan makhluk² angelic ni selalu buat aku akhlak nampak sangat tercalar. Mereka buat aku mahu tundukkan kepala aku rapat ke dada, dan menyesali keburukan diri sendiri.But love you, regardless.
Merry Christmas. :)
The Dangerous Stuff #1
Fine.
You do your way. I'll get on with mine.
Bak kata F, "If this is a chess game, it's his turn to move".
Berhati-hati dengan apa yang kamu minta, love.
You do your way. I'll get on with mine.
Bak kata F, "If this is a chess game, it's his turn to move".
Berhati-hati dengan apa yang kamu minta, love.
Gila(kan kau)
Aku memang perlu kemabukan dan lagu-lagu dreamwave yang khayal tu, sekarang. Tapi aku benci untuk ke club dan menghadap manusia² poseur di situ. Dan lagi yang buat aku benci, bila aku dipaksa masuk ke situ dan akhirnya, aku jadi salah seorang dari mereka.
"Dah tu nak minum sorang² kat rumah ke, noks? RM20 je. Plus dorang main lagu² dreamwave beb..." ada suara kedengaran di telinga aku.
"Er....ah, fuck it! Club pun club la." lagi suara kedengaran di telinga yang lain.
Oh kemabukan, aku perlu!
Blues vs Booze
I guess I was right.
I'm outta his sight, therefore I'm outta his mind.
Lessons learned - the next time ya think ya need to confess to someone, well...don't. Forget ya fantasy. Burn whatever ya wrote. Kill all ya feelings.
Cos' the minute you do it, that's when ya know everything will turn exactly to what ya have feared for. Ugly. Pain. Angry. Abandonment. Ignorance.
It's fucking useless, trust me.
So if ya like someone, and ya have no clue whether he'll love you back as much as ya want him to - just...
..go to sleep.
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