Ballina

 
google paco & betty

He taught me so much more in two weeks than what I could possibly learn in 27 years. About his obsession on buildings (he knows, every single construction that's going on in KL. I'm serious). About trivias that doesnt matter much but it matters when he said it (i.e: bet you guys don't know that Bata is originated from Czech Republic). About politics that doesnt matter much but it matters when he said it. About movies and music (in the 80's especially). About life and love (imagine a mind which perception has been developed for 39 years). About what he cares about, and what he hates. About sex (oh yes). About languages (he knows at least 4 languages). About what bugs the hell out of him. About his weirdness (i.e: He googled "Google". Who the fuck does that? Exactly)..

We'll see what happens in one year, ey?

Failte!

 
from here

Kita takkan pernah tahu dari ceruk mana keindahan bisa datang. Tak boleh nak jangka. Macam mana fasih pun aku atau kau tentang hidup ni. The unexpected - itulah keindahahan hidup itu sendiri sebenarnya.

As many would have known by now, these few weeks, I've been strucked by miracles. After all the pain which seem endless, love suddenly emerges as I was about to sink deep. Jadi aku katakan pada teman² yang faham dan selalu mendengar, bahawa aku sangat² thankful atas semuanya. Dan apa yang jadi pada aku, aku tak pernah minta, mahupun cari. Bila aku bercerita, aku mahu mereka faham yang aku, walau seberapa lama sekalipun, akan tetap rasa kaget. Untuk aku ulangi semula bagaimana cinta aku dan dia bermula, buat keseribu kalinya,mungkin bisa buat kamu, teman² baik, bosan pada aku. Tapi percayalah, aku bukan berlagak atau apa. Aku cuma terkejut dengan perkara² yang too good to be true ini. Aku perlu bercerita pada kamu semua, sampai ia (keajaiban cinta) betul² masuk ke dalam setiap lohong badan ini. Sampai, aku percaya.

Ya. Percaya. Aku selalu percaya miracles dan cinta ini lah satu²nya perkara yang true di dunia ni. Peliknya, walau dengan kepercayaan penuh yang begitu, bila ia terjadi pada diri aku sendiri, it's still hard to believe.

Aku selalu convince-kan diri aku, yang dia ini true sebab kalau tidak masakan dia sanggup buat apa yang dia buat. Satu sudut otak aku kata "Mungkin dia nak pancing umpan?". Mungkin. Tapi untuk seorang yang hanya ingin memancing umpan, dan telah pun dapat umpannya, kenapa dia masih stay? He's 100,000 miles away from where I am. Yet he still is the same guy I met him the very first time.

Kalau aku silap, Tuhan, kau better tunjukkan aku sekarang! Masa yang aku ada terlampau singkat untuk aku buat satu lagi kesilapan besar dalam hidup! Aku tak larat. Aku dah penat. I just wanna settle down! I wanna be content! I just wanna be served by a man who loves me.  

Bole la, please?

12 hours apart and 365 days more to go


Keajaiban yang aku alami sekarang adalah dalam bentuk zarah. Berkeliaran dan berlegar dalam jiwa dan kepala aku. Hanya zarah² ini lah yang mampu buat aku menunggu dan terus jalani hidup.

Kepercayaan yang aku ada juga, hanya dalam bentuk ruang dan waktu. Aku percaya, satu masa nanti, ruang dan waktu ini akan menguatkan aku dan dia. I've said my vows and so did he. And only us know what that vows hold. Macam mana sukar sekalipun. 

Dia katakan pada aku "I have nothing else in life to look forward to but you". Aku hanya mampu mengangguk di hujung talian, dan perlahan katakan "I'll remember that".

And as long as we have that, aku sangat pasti bahawa happiness akan berpihak pada aku dan dia, akhir nanti.

Dan apa yang aku rasakan ini -  there's no amount of wealth or obstacles that can make or break. It's either him, or nothing at all.

Dia inilah mimpi, freedom dan keajaiban aku.

Mark my words.

P/S: I promise


I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.


I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride.


I love you because I know no other way than this.

So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close, that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.

I love you Zaki Iskandar, and I don't care what everybody else says or think.

Honey

Akhirnya…

Selepas hampir 27 tahun, I can finally say that I’m truly happy.

I don’t how long this will last, but I guess I couldn’t care less.

I’ll make sure it’s all good, while it lasts.

Aku tahu, bila aku happy, ada saja anasir² sial yang datang untuk menjahanamkan hidup aku.

Aku happy dan mahu terus happy, sebab aku dan kita semua berhak…

..dan mampu.

 Well. Pergi mampus kamu semua.

Aku lebih kuat dari kamu, kamu dan kamu yang menggunakan ego dan kebanggaan diri untuk menutup keburukan kamu sendiri.

P/S: Buat teman² yang menyokong dan mendorong kuat dari belakang - aku ucapkan merci. Love you all, always!

The First 6 Seconds


"I saw you from a distance. When I look at you, I see character. And it only took me 6 seconds for me to fall for you.."

...

I don't trust people easily. I just don't. Especially strangers like you.

But I don't know why, I just wish you don't have to go back there.

I just wish.

Heads Up



Friday datang lagi. Dan tak macam selalunya, malam ni aku langsung tak dapat agak apa yang nak jadi. Just like how I had the shocked of my life, for the past 5 days. Which gradually turns out to be what felt like, a good shock.

But yea, I also expect good things to happen tonight. Like, real good stuff, that could finally set me free, which feeling I haven't had for as long as I can remember.

This that I'm feeling, might be too much too soon for my liking. But if this isn't going to happen now, then when else?

So brave yourself boolat and prepare to be happy. This is going to be weird, but it's all good.

Hallelujah!


" ..do mark ur calendar for our Krabi trip..date: 25/9 to 28/9...." - Sha

Terbaik lah kau Sha!!

Oh-too-soon

...from here (Reminder: Highly 'sensitive' photos. Risks of becoming muted)


"Kalau kau kahwin dulu, aku bunuh diri kakak!" - J

Tuli

Blood sister, Shot.

Kawan datang dan pergi datang dan pergi.

Family, ada yang kekal ada yang pergi.

Lovers sekejap timbul, tenggelam, datang, pergi jauh-jauh.

Cinta datang dari jauh, muncul dekat-dekat, hilang, tak datang langsung.

Tapi kau, dan siapa kau yang sebenar..

Itu tak akan pergi mana-mana. Walau banyak mana perubahan sekalipun yang kau dah lalui.

Unfortunately.

Ganbatte Kudasai!

Nadia, now happily married and honey mooning in Madrid. Lucky beeeeyaaa**! :)

Yes, good luck si.boolat.

Life, it's detrimental. Proven. Because even after all the sacrifices you've invested for a so called future you're scared of, there are just no guarantee that it will back you up.

So what will you do then when everything turn their back against you?

Lastnight, me feeling empty and drunk, I hold my breath and let the photographer in my head said:

Flash.

Give me truck load full of luck.

Flash.

Give me fucking miracles.

Flash.

Maybe miracle is a stranger laying down next to me, drunk.
 

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