I THINK…

1. I'M BORN IN THE WRONG BODY.
2. I’M MOST HAPPY THE FIRST TWO WEEKS AFTER MY PAYDAY, AND IRRITABLY DEPRESSING THE LAST TWO WEEKS OF THE MONTH.
3. A LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND ME ARE PHONIES WHO THINKS THAT THEY ARE THE BEST.
4. I’LL ALWAYS END UP DOING ARTY THINGS NO MATTER WHAT.
5. I SHOULD COLOR MY HAIR RED AGAIN.
6. I’M A BAD PERSON COS I’LL BE SAD WHEN I SEE HAPPY COUPLES.
7. I SHOULD GET A TINY TATTOO – IN A SHAPE OF A CHAINED HEART - RIGHT UNDER MY ANKLE.
8. I WON'T BE AS BIG AS I AM IF I CONTINUED WITH MY BALLET LESSONS 14YEARS AGO.
9. I DO NOT DESERVE TO DIE ALONE.
10. I NEED TO GET LAID AGAIN, SOON.
11. I SHOULD RUN AWAY FROM ALL THE PEOPLE I’VE KNOWN, CHANGE MY IDENTITY, RESIDE IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY AND LIVE AN ENTIRELY NEW LIFE WITH BRAND NEW SET OF FRIENDS.
12. MY LOUSY PAINTINGS AND JOURNALS WILL BE FOUND BY SOMEONE I’VE LOVED WHEN I’M DEAD, AND HE/SHE WILL TURN IT INTO A BEST SELLING MEMOIR OR DOCUMENTARY AND TURN FILTHY RICH.
13. I’M ACTING EXACTLY LIKE MY DAD, THAT I USED TO HATE.
14. I’LL BE A VERY COMMITTED AND A CRAPPY MOTHER, AT THE SAME TIME.
15. I’M A SMART GIRL THAT IS ILL-EQUIPPED WITH BAD LUCK.
16. HE’LL COME BACK.
17. IF I DON’T GO OUT OF THIS COUNTRY WHEN I’M THIRTY, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF.
18. I’M SECRETLY FALLING FOR MY QUIET, HOT-LOOKING, HARVARD GRADUATE BOSS.
19. I NEED A REAL FAT CAT IN MY HOUSE TO LAZE AROUND ON THE COUCH, WITH ME, WATCHING SIX FEET UNDER.
20. I’LL STRIP DANCE WHEN I’VE SHED 100 POUNDS OFF MY BOD AND BUTT.
21. I’LL GET MARRIED TO MY PASSION.
22. IF I WERE TO DO INTERIOR DESIGN FOR MY DEGREE, I WOULD HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT PERSON.
23. NOBODY KNOWS HOW I FEEL OR KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
24. GIRING IS GENIUS AS FUCK.
25. I’M TIRED.

Farquhar

Tulsa is a collection of black-and-white photographs by Larry Clark of the life of young people in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Its publication in 1971 "caused a sensation within the photographic community", leading to a new interest in autobiographical work. Later better known for directing the movie Kids, Clark was a Tulsa native and a drug addict during the period (1963–1971) when he took the photographs.

Bawakan aku sebilah pedang samurai yang panjang dan berkilau. Biar aku asah dan belai ia, seperti seorang askar membelai senapang patahnya. Biar aku bacakan ikrar ke atas pedang itu, tanda cinta aku, semacam mana tentera-tentera di Amerika mengucap kalimah The Rifleman's Creed ke atas senapangnya:

"This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than any enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will....My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...My rifle is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weakness, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will keep my rifle clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...Before God I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but Peace."

Biarkan.

Kerna bila tiba masanya...

Aku mahu ambil pedang samurai yang akan ku namakan Farquhar ini, dan hunuskan ke dalam otak-otak tolol yang sedang mengganggu ketenteraman aku sekarang.

Mamat messenger, pekerja vendor aku yang menelefon dan bertanyakan "macam mana nak pergi Jln Raja Chulan" tadi, baru sahaja melayakkan dirinya untuk merasakan panahan asmara si Farquhar.

Kau fikir kau tahu, tapi kau tidak tahu apa pun.

kan best, kalau aku juga boleh katakan benda yang sama pada semua:

The Misadventures of John Stuckey & I, on a breezy Saturday afternoon

"When I go to bed at night I do 4 things. I drop my robe, slide under the sheets, turn on my left side and stick out my ass. That's it. That's the signal. I just - I back it right up there because I know when I do, no matter how cold the damn thing is, no matter how difficult it might feel, no matter how desperately we want to kill each other it's gonna be met by this warm body on the other side that's gonna hold it. Two arms that... wrap around, pull me out of my head, quiet the voices, save me from myself... without ever having to ask. Every night, 31 years. Every night there's my ass and every night... he never lets me down." Tapi aku tak boleh. Sebab yang aku ada hanyalah bantal busuk. Every night there's my ass against my bantal busuk. Fich me.

julie julia

J.H - (try) looking cute @ her villa

Her name is J.H.

We first met in Alpha year, at Multimedia University. We only become good friends later during the years in MMU. She's crazy about Butterflies and the color purple. She is as vibrant as the color purple. She makes those cute cupcakes for sale and sometimes for love. She sew her own drapes and beads of her baju kurung. She can shops forever. She loves food. She digs mushrooms. But if there's one thing I can remember bout' this girl, then it must be the fact that she has saved my mind from goin' nuts - one too many times. Recently she was hospitalised, for tonsil infection and not once I go and visit her while she was there. Although I did after that spend time with her at her pool and said sorry for what I did, and even after she had forgiven me - I still can't seem to make mends with myself. And trust me, this is just one of the many wars I have yet to come to peace with. Soon, I hope.

tickles my fancy

Semakin masa mendekati penghujung akhir tahun ini, aku semakin berkobar berlari di atas threadmill. Semakin pantas masa mengejar tarikh hari lahir aku penghujung bulan ini, se-bersungguh itulah aku cuba mengubah minda dan perspektif gelap aku - untuk menjadi seperti si Christopher McCandless yang taksub pada dunia dan segala intipatinya – versi aku sendiri. Semakin ramai orang meninggalkan aku - semakin itu aku mahu keluar dari kepompong, berjumpa dengan 6 billion manusia lagi - di luar sana. Semakin licik karma mencari aku, semakin banyak jugalah doa pengampunan aku kirimkan kepada kuasa yang Maha itu. Dan semakin umur aku mendekati angka 30, penggalian aku makin dalam untuk mencari happiness buat roh aku sendiri.

Mark my words - this fuckin’ fat ass and everything bad about me or for me, gotta go and will be gone by 2010.

Mungkin ini tampak seperti satu konsekuensi desperation dan penyesalan akibat daripada tindakan2 aku satu masa dulu. Mungkin. Tapi aku tak pernah menyesal tentang kehidupan masa lalu. Kerna benda itu semualah yang memudikkan aku ke hulu ini – hulu di mana aku hidup, belajar, mati dan hidup semula.. Masa lalu membawa aku berenang ke tepian di mana aku pasti, akhirnya, aku akan faham apa tujuan aku diciptakan di muka bumi ni. Bak kata F, asalkan kau terus hidup dan lenyapkan segala pre-conception minda kau tentang life, then the magic and surprises will happen. I mean, that’s the best part of life, anyways. Dan lagi pula, takkan sekejam itu Tuhan - ciptakan aku untuk menambah statistik orang2 obese semata, kan?

jadi inilah.selamat tinggal.

WAN MADZRINA ALI MAT

SHE'LL TURN 26 THIS 25TH MAY BUT SHE'S STICKIN' TO 24.

SHE'S CURRENTLY A SELF-MADE WRITER & A POET, HOPEFUL ABOUT LIFE.

SHE PLANS TO TRAVEL THE WORLD AND FIND HER OWN HAPPINESS SOMEDAY.

I read an article somewhere written by somebody that people usually goes through major changes in every 7 years. Well I’m nearing the 7th year in my life since I had my major changes. This year is that year I feel like I’m facing those changes again. And for some reason, it usually happens in the month of my birthday – yours truly, May. Perhaps my cosmic circle is simply fated in such time, so that it’s easier for me to remember. But then again I remember everything. I take it from Bob Dylan - Take care of all your memories, for you cannot relive them. But Bob, now that I remember everything, I don’t have enough space in my head and in my heart to contain it all. My memories, just like walking with a jug full of water, it's starting to spill and crash hard on the floors. Therefore I’m forever changed, regardless of the 7 year itch, Bob. I’ve been taking care of others so much that I left my heart deep in the ground. My heart drowned but alas finds its way, scratching out of the surface, crying. So forgive me Bob cos’ I’m about to commit selfishness. For a while at least. From now on, if in the end I’m not gonna be happy, then I’ll fuck the rest. I had to. I won’t move and die pathetically, otherwise. You’ve said it best before, “All I can do is be me, whoever that is”.

sudah.

Ian, Something in me changed, today. Since morning until now, I actually feel … contented. This feeling shall last. I’m finally strong enough to let it go. si.boolat

jujur

Everyday I will google for a quotable quote from people that I think is worth quoting. And then it strucks. me. Have I said anything intelligent in my life worth quoted by others? Guess I'm not as original as I or others might want to think.

Think Rich, Look Poor.

Wahai Andrew Warhola,

Kalau kau masih hidup, akan aku terbang ke Factory-mu dan akan aku lucutkan baju di badan ini untuk kau warnakan kulitku yang bernoda dengan rona-rona popism-mu yang agung. Kepelikanmu telah mengembalikan sanity-ku dan membuat hari-hariku tidak lagi hanya berwarna hitam.

si.boolat.