am back.

the writer gained her new persectives from the same old bedroom she's been staying since 2008.

july 7, 2011

gurney heights

so i've decided to revisit this place, with new perspective on things.  

oh yea, brand NEW stories of my life that are more twisted than ever been told before. 

welcome back to my prozac nation, invisible people. ;)

reroute

my life continues in here, for now.

perhatian semua.

if kau rasa kau perlu putuskan hubungan dengan aku, kawan, do say it to my face. sumpah aku boleh terima dengan tenang sekali. perkara yang kau tengah buat ni, sangat tidak mengejutkan. macam aku pernah cakap, ianya cliche.

if a couple wants to break up, they'll declare declare themselves as 'divorced' or 'broken up'. so i don't see why friends can't declare the same thing, when truth is, they no longer talk or care about each other.

such bullshit!

i hate 'bosses'

i'm not your fucking punching bag.

so here's the thing about friends...

i can't and i don't want to rely on them.
i don't need friends to be around me everyday and knowing every single thing that i know.
i just need friends who can sit around with me sipping carlsberg and strongbows, every once in a while.

u darn right i'm lucky

eeeeee.

wanna geget you so bad!

soon, all this waiting will be over.

i'm so excited that i shiver at the thoughts of falling in love with you for the second time this jan 10.

and i also shiver at the thoughts of your return ticket date and sending you off for the second time.

i don't want a second for the latter.

just want you, here.

if we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future.

that's just perfect.

kaki aku sangat sakit berlari dan berdiri separuh hari, untuk kanak² istimewa. aku anggap rasa sakit ini, seperti dosa yang telah diampunkan.

bila kau sedar bahwa 'ia' benar² hilang, baru kau tahu apa rasanya.

mulai hari ini, biar aku sepi.

ternyata aku tiada lagi passion terhadap banyak perkara. hilang bersama angin, macam asap rokok.

kalau dulu, i always have something to look forward to - i paint, i write, i cut off my shirts, i rearrange things, i watch dvd, i critic the movies i watched, i read, i learn, i play music, i pretend i play music, i hang out, i get drunk, i laugh, i dressed up..

now, coming back home means nothing else but having dinner and sleeping alone. if i'm lucky, i'll chat with my housemates or chat with pakcik hassan at 5th. then i'll wake up the next morning to my bantal busuk, repeating the same day after day.

yes honey, i am that old and i have no one to take this blame.

miscarriage of justice

saat ini, aku sedang memikirkan tentang suatu kebarangkalian.

berapa lama aku boleh bertahan dengan cabaran seharian dan adakah aku akan tampil dari semua itu as a stronger person or just broken?

aku tidak was-was tentang kekuatan aku. tapi aku masih risau tentang kerapuhan aku sendiri. i didn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to heartbreak.

jadi sedang aku menghisap rokok, sambil ditemani zar, aku sudah putuskan bahawa jalan keluar paling mudah bila di situasi begini ialah bow your head down and do whatever it takes to make the situation better for all. if 'better for all' is what you are looking for. but if you don't mind facing the ugly side by sticking to your 'principal' and not care about how it feels for the others involved, that's fine too. just bear the pain.

and like i said, for me, i'd rather bow. walau macam mana kuat sekali pun aku mahu defend diri aku.

losers of the world, unite!