he gave punkrock a bad name


dari dulu lagi aku dah kata, jangan rapat² sangat sama dia. tapi aku ni sapa. cuma teman yang gagal dalam hidup. kata aku ni, kau mudah lupakan. walaupun aku yang lebih dulu kenal dia daripada sesiapa pun. kalau dia sayang, dia tak exploit kau macam tu beb. kalaupun dia tak cinta tapi anggap kau teman, still, apa yang dia buat gagal justify anything, other than make him look like a complete a-hole to me.

dan orang² pembawa sial macam ni claim diri mereka punkrock yang true? different? non conformist? tak macam lelaki² lain? hormat pada wanita? bercakap dan berarak pada idea² grand dunia seperti feminism, racism, capitalism, consumerism dan segalanya yang -isme?

aku tak kisah kalau dia ada kekurangan. aku juga flawed. cuma jangan la pakai costume  biri-biri di luar bila kau cuma kambing biasa. berselindung di sebalik persona semacam dia benar² hebat, that makes me wanna barf!

bhutto la!

jadi hanya ini nasihat aku buat si teman: punkrock tak jahat. cuma orang² seperti merekalah yang buat punkrock nampak jahat. dan manusia, dengan kepercayaan apa sekalipun yang mereka pegang, action penentu segala. kita hanya true when we walk the talk. aku sendiri terus terangnya masih lagi belajar berjalan sambil bercakap. someday girl, you'll understand that real good things are (mostly) free, even love. ;)

"content"

mendengar recording suara orca whale (killer whale) di wikipedia. ada sesuatu yang sangat menakjubkan tentang bunyi yang aku dengar. bukan cuba nak tunjuk hebat, tapi aku seriously rasa mereka memang berbual. it's like, setiap bunyi yang mereka buat, actually makes up a sentence to every word and that is simply amazing.

heck, i think wikipedia is amazing. coco chanel is amazing. 1940s pin up girls are amazing. air neslo pakcik belakang ofis aku time pagi, is amazing. staying back in office alone till late is amazing. silence is amazing. meditation is amazing. lisa hannigan & damien rice, fuckamazing.

but not as zamazing as knowing that half way across the world, in a space of reversed time zone than ours, there is one person, whom i knew, would do just about all the amazing things in this world to make me happy.

my god. i'm happy?

does this means something bad is going to happen to me?

gigit

he is 5 days ahead of others. and he knows that patagonia is in chile. aku impressed. to me having good looks is sexy but being smart and sensitive, now that's sexiest.

grrr. ;)

silent night

today, the fury permeates after me and i must apologise to you.

i just got out from the toilet exactly one minute ago, after spending almost an hour in the toilet. what else to do there, but cry? it's the perfect place.

you texted me right after i hang up the phone. wanted to reply but my credit is touching 0.09cents. in my wallet, there's one red note and one green.those, to last me till saturday. my colleagues was constantly on the air asia web, because they are trying to grab those zero seats fair for their overseas trip. from my cubicle, i secretly wish i could jump into the bandwagon and make my way to where u are. but my bank balances always make me hold my breath. i'm waiting but the time never seems to give in to patience.

i went to war every morning.

i lost my way but now i'm following what you said in my arms.

p/s: we're in this together honey. oh yes we are. we'll make it worth something. :)

no heroes

air asia zero fair akan launch besok. return ticket ke UK boleh jadi kurang dari 4 angka. mimpi ke ireland, seolah-olah tak lagi mustahil.

semuanya gara² teman² yang bermurah hati memberi cadangan.

"kau beli je tiket ke UK, suruh je 'honey' kau tu datang sini. dah dekat je dengan ireland tu ha" bual teman² aku beberapa hari lepas.

encouragement yang macam ni memang bagus. dan aku amat hargai the fact that teman² aku caring enough untuk acknowledge kewujudan dilemma dalam hidup aku dan cuba meleraikannya dengan bagi idea² macam ni.

thanks korang!

but the bad thing about giving the above is that..

encouragement macam tu tak membantu aku langsung untuk dapatkan duit nak beli tiket tu.

perasaannya samalah  macam, contohnya, bila aku bertanya 'kau ada tisu?' dan orang tu jawab 'ada, tapi kat rumah'.

it's like...does it help in anyway for me to accomplish my objective of having the tissue, with you compensating my disadvantage by saying 'the tissue's at home'?

aku faham. kadang² kita hanya jawab atau beri pendapat for the sake of berbual dengan orang tu. that's fine. 

cuma kadangkala, diam adalah jawapan yang lebih bijak. 

!

p/s: sila faham yang resources hidup aku (e.g: trust fund, savings account, paycheck, asset, etc) amatlah limited atau tiada langsung. bank aku tak sentiasa ada balance besar macam korang. and yes, i'm fully aware that i had to work for my money, no matter what.

statue of us


kahwin jugak kau bik.

takde lagi la sms² "aku tido umah kau malam ni" memenuhi inbox aku.

man, you looked real happy. 

 sampai jugak kau ke situ. 

after all the sweats and tears.

uff.

p/s: honey, shall we? :)

overdose on marriage

bets & hilmy - they recently made man and wife.

the photo on his fb confirms it. he wore tanjak with a ring on his finger. a girl by his side. cutting a 4-tier cake. positive, married.

i'm gonna be okay. why shouldn't i? heck, it was a long time ago and we weren't cutout for each other anyways. plus he did wrecked me up and even if i'm with him, we wouldn't make it.

i couldn't tell if he's happy or otherwise from the photo angle. i mean wasn't smiling or anything. but i bet he's feeling real good. apart from being married, i can see his business is expanding. finally! someone and something, he can bear with!

i'm on my way making one for my own, and i think it's going to be just awesome. i'll bring my 'honey', all the sugar and spice with me.

just, wait for it.

modern vs traditional

like i mentioned before, i maybe in my (late) 20's, but my soul is like a curious case of benjamin butang. old. i love old. old people. oldies. old books. old photos. old cameras. old old old.

so, here.some of the best websites, that i think best capture the antiquity and beauty of ageing.





who's with me?

hunter vs hunted

i was head hunted last monday.

you damn right i'm shocked.

position? avp corporate communications, in a multi national company. finance sector.

likeliness? tak tau. tapi mengikut JD yang dia bagi, it fits nicely. minimum 3 years. check. media relations background. check. good networking. check, kinda. well verse english malay. duh! degree mass comm or anything related. degree aku in accounting? pegi mampos. the head hunter called me what. mesti la bole kan? some of the criteria lah, among others.

wish me good things eh? kalau dapat interview, dapat pulak lagi kenaikan gaji 30%...ace!

bila luna happy, you happy.

bila luna tak happy?

ahah!

make your difference vs make you different

"apa yang membelenggu di dada?" tanya mugoe di lotusmail sametime. aku jawab "to live is to fight". aku suarakan lagi segala inner monologue, macam selalunya. kasihan mugoe. aku memang akan selalu jadi sahabat yang sentiasa perlukan satu comfort darinya untuk validate-kan diri. and yet people think me someone who has high self confidence.

mugoe kata, "doesnt mean if u don't do, it makes you the 'ignorant ones'. you help people. sedar atau tidak. in the littlest ways weih! ko tolong aku."

dalam hati aku taip "of course I had". dalam chat aku taip "saya ada tolong ke mugoe?"

bukan apa. cuma kalau aku taip jawapan yang pertama, aku takkan dapat tahu macam mana dia hargai pertolongan aku sampai bila pun. dan bila aku tak tahu, aku akan leka dan senang menyakiti hatinya. trust me, this is being diplomatic for a good cause.

taktik berjaya!

mugoe sambung "ye, aku skrg zero money and aku takde duit nak isap rokok. aku minta rokok and ko bagi and tak marah. you know how glad i am? i'm trying to stress a point. maybe ko tak buat segempak dolphin whisperers tu, but u actually did something ya know?"

(of course mugoe was referring to the activist in 'the cove') 

mugoe taip lagi "yeap. heheh. jadi ..err". tiba² muncul emoticons bulat comel dengan senyuman berkerut. "takde rokok ni"

"puji aku berapi² sebab nak pau lagi satu la ni?"

sikit punya jahanam...

Fluky Me

How did I get so lucky?

SMS dan call setiap hari. Never missed to say 'love you' di hujung setiap call or SMS. Kirim poskad consistently, pada aku dan MAMA PAPA aku. Kurang dari 3 bulan, sudah 15 poskad aku kumpul. Tak pernah sekali pun melenting. Tolong aku sepenuh hati, with no return asked. Google setiap benda (yang dia tak faham, which is a lot, knowing all the weird things I'm into like punkrock or depressing stuff). Think highly of my parents, semestinya. Really try getting to know abang² dan kakak yang aku silent treatment-kan...hence, getting to know me...

Dia sanggup buat ini semua untuk AKU?

...

Cinta tanpa kondisi. Itu kami. 

We are not perfect at all, but it is our own flaws which perfected this thing we have. 

Isn't that awesome, honey?

Isn't that just awesome.

But..

Aku masih perlu reserve ruang yang luas untuk kesakitan.

P/S: Don't get me wrong, honey.

Cepatlah!

81 days gone.

Few hundreds more to go.

And I'm running out of ideas how to kill time.

That's it. The next time you come back, I'm going with you, I don't wanna care anymore!!

Aktiviti Malam Esok


Free Movie Screening!
Palate Palette, Jln Mesui (Same row with No Black Tie)
21:00 Hours

The Architect of Decay


I haven't been through everything, but I have seen it all. Thom Yorke sings it best "No more alarm, no more surprises".

Ini tak boleh jadi, aku pikir.

Aku perlu gilapkan ciri-ciri true seorang Gemini, semula.

Si perempuan rambut merah jambu, pakaian tak masuk akal, yang ditakuti dan diingati seantero MMU, satu era dahulu.

Bila ingat-ingat balik, kebanyakan orang yang takut dengan aku dulu dah pun jadi kawan baik aku sampai sekarang.

Tu la aku cakap. Kalau kau true, fight sampai mati. Hanya tu je cara nak immortalise kan hidup kau yang singkat dan tak bermakna tu.

 

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