Masterpiece


It is still so amazing how the meticulousness 
in his art can really disrupt my thoughts.
His progression of work of this particular book, 
is like a sedative I can't live without.
..and I still can't swallow the fact 
a Christian writes better Jawi than I do.
Regardless,
I'll get this book no matter how much it'll cost me.
Some things are just so worth it and it gets better everytime.
While at the same time
many others remain to be 
a worthless piece of crap.

BEWARE

ADA DUA EKOR BINATANG MENJIJIKKAN SEDANG BERKELIARAN DI LUAR SANA.

DAN KEDUA-DUANYA PERNAH MENETAP DI DALAM RUMAH YANG AKU DIAMI SEKARANG DAN MEMANG MEREKA INI BINATANG YANG MENGGELIKAN.

NOW THEY ARE OUT, AKU RASA AKU PERLU BERSIHKAN SATU RUMAH TU DENGAN CLOROX.

MEMANG DASAR BINATANG.

HECK, BINATANG JUGA LAGI MULIA DARI MEREKA.

Citylink


Honey,

I think you will probably go nuts when you see the photos. I just took it few minutes ago, through the looking glass of my office at 12th floor. Thanks to you, I am now as geeky as you are. Only difference is I'm crazy snapping photos of the high rise towers, instead of obsessively reading about it.

KLCC against the angry skyline + reflection of my office lights & my camera lense.
(Camera: LUMIX FX36)

Do you remember the first time we met at the office? You were standing there, facing the construction site at Jln Tengah, overlooking St Mary Service Apartment? Remember how bare it was then? How long has it been since you left? 39 days? Well, look further..

This is how the bare construction site looks like, today March 29. :)

Crazy right?

As you already know, life here is still unimpressive and dull without you. I used to love KL but now I'd rather be with the cows than the cars or people on the streets of this town.

Ya know what Honey..starting from today under the custody of boredom, I vow to snap photos of the St Mary construction site from time to time and post it up here for you to see. It would be a good distraction while waiting for you to come back next January.
 
I refused to mention how many months apart from now to next January because just hearing it makes me wanna barf. The waiting painstakingly horrifies me and there were many nights that I just can't shut my eyes because all I see is those stupid numbers. Ya know....like..there's 24 hours in a day. There's 326 days left before you come back in a year. And that is roughly 46 weeks. Approximately 11 more months. Convert that to hours you and you got 7'824. My head goes crazier and it then quoted the time in minutes which now makes it 469'440....and it goes on and on..
 
So, to restrain myself from being a total nutcase, I've also made plans to keep it busy with things. On top of the scrapbook and writing postcards to you, I also bought 2 litres of vanilla colored paint, to refurbish my furnitures. And then earlier today, I submitted the registration form for my office's version of the reality tv show "The Biggest Loser". If I'm selected, they'll require me to go to the gym, take care of my diet and they'll weigh in my body every week to see how much percentage of fat I've lost (not how many kilos, mind you! So it's real tough!).
 
Hmm, what else? Oh ya, I managed to buy some time from work and go to Jobstreet to apply more new jobs! While I was browsing, I also checked the status of my previous applications and guess what, one is in the process and the other is kept for reservation. Whatever the hell that means. But I'm hopeful and convinced that there must be something in it for me.
 
There's always something.
 
You're something.
 
And I'm totally in it.
 
xoxo,
me.

Dreary Piece of a Romantic Hooey


sketches from here

I drove around KL today and I checked out all the high rise buildings. All for the sake of missing him. Also for me to get inspirations for the scrapbook I plan to send to him. At my final chapter now. Can't wait to do the final touch, take photos of the outcome and get him all psyched opening the box.

He must be asleep now. I imagined him sleeping in my room all the time, though. With vodka and half lit Malboro in my ashtray, by his side.:)

God, I miss you.

Sha'er Burong Punggok yang Boolat


Hari ini, hati ini sangat girang walaupun beratus kali di koyak rabakkan.

Hari ini, hati ini dia amat tenang walaupun ada saja bendasing² liar datang menjangkit.

Hari ini, hati ini sekuat ....ya, meja yang aku tupangkan dengan segala macam barang nih.

Hari ini, hati ini sejuk mengenangkan selaput dignity yang tinggal masih mampu untuk jadi tempat ia berlindung.

Hari ini, hati ini masih terbuka untuk meraikan cinta.

Hari ini, hati ini teriak 'Thank God it's Friedday again!", dan sikit masa lagi, hati ini akan berangkat ke satu daerah jauh dari sebarang bentuk civilisation, ataupun aktiviti² yang boleh meranapkan duit mahupun akal.

Dan pada akhir hari ini, hati ini tergelak kecil, tersenyum sendiri, berbunga mengharap, bila memikirkan masih ada yang peduli tentangnya. Peduli tentang kewujudannya. Bila mana ia berada di tangga paling baik atau paling buruk sekalipun, hati ini masih boleh diterima mereka (yang aku anggap baik).

Tanyakan kenapa, dan hati ini menjawab "Sebab mereka masih mahu percaya hati si underdog"

Ya, pada akhir cerita ini, hati ini berjaya menjadi immortal. Dan hati ini benar² yakin pada pilihan yang dibuat.

Selamat tinggal dunia yang kejam!

Betrayal of the Highest Degree


Buktikan pada aku yang kau betul-betul puas dan bahagia meraikan kebencian. You better as hell make sure yang guilt dan ego kau tak akan mengejar dan makan kau hidup-hidup.

Kalau kau boleh lakukan itu semua, maka ya, aku mengaku kau hebat dan aku salah. Tapi kalau aku salah sekalipun, jangan kau fikir aku mudah untuk melupakan. Terutamanya bila orang yang pernah aku sayang dan jaga dengan baik...adalah orang yang sama yang membawa kehancuran dalam hidup aku.

Ironinya hidup.

Ingat ya teman, satu masa dulu bahu aku inilah yang kau tumpangkan untuk menangis. Bahu si perempuan tolol dan keji dan hina yang kau bencikan ni. Dan si perempuan tolol dan keji dan hina yang kau laknati ni tidak pernah sekalipun mengeji tentang kewujudan kau. Tentang siapa pun kau. Hanya kerana si perempuan tolol dan keji dan hina ini berterus terang, kau dah layan dia macam sampah. Kau usir dia dari hidup kau. Kau ambil pilihan untuk endahkan perasaannya. Kau tak pernah sedikit pun peduli tentang apa yang dia dah lakukan untuk kau.

Hanya kerana kau ada satu paranoia mega tentang dunia, kau rasa itu sudah cukup untuk melayakkan kau untuk melayan manusia begini rupa, tanpa dapat apa² konsekuensi? 

You think you know what you're talking about, but you have no fucking idea!

Jadi kacang mana yang lupakan kulitnya sekarang ni?

Dan kau silap. Aku tak pernah menyesal berkawan dengan kau. Sebab tanpa kau, aku pasti tak akan faham apa ertinya betrayal dan exploitation.

Harap Maklum

I HAVE NOTHING TO BE SORRY ABOUT.
BASH ME BASH ME BASH ME ALL YOU WANT.
GO DIE WITH YOUR FUCKING EGO & MASOCHISM.
SEE IF I CARE.

HEH.

Minta Maaf.

Photo by Bets
Edited by si.boolat

Dulu, membaca blognya adalah drug grade A untuk aku. Semacam enlightenment untuk minda aku berfikir tentang banyak benda. Buat aku rasa lebih bijak.

But not anymore. Eversince I realised that he has fast becoming a hater. Like he's the only one with problems. To be honest, I find it extremely annoying reading his blog. It is always and will always be about the same old bullshit. 

Dulu, aku pun pernah macam dia. Complaint about every single thing that went wrong with my life. Bak kata lagu The Cribs "Ones who find everything is awful black days when nothing is pleasing and everything that happens is an excuse for anger. Hate the world, hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers, beer drinkers, the satisfied ones..". Then I find myself revolting so I stopped and choose to change instead. Bukan berubah untuk jadi kental atau apa, tapi berubah sikit demi sikit untuk jadi manusia yang appreciate all the littlest things that I still have. Shits will happen to you no matter what or where. So why bother hating the shits? Why not make peace with shits? I'm not suggesting conformity but why do people have to dwell in shits rather than letting go of it?

For simplification, aku ambil contoh diri aku sendiri. Aku baru beli kasut ballet flats. Dua hari pakai, tapaknya tanggal. Memang aku marah. Beli di kedai yang pada aku branded, tapi kualiti tak ubah macam kasut pasar. Mungkin kasut pasar lagi tahan. So, aku ada dua option, samada minta replacement from kedai tu (which could take days or months) or I could simply sew/ glue it myself in few hours and lesser cost. Since I needed to use it fast, I did sew it up all by myself (The gam gajah didn't work). Did all that in office, mind you! Talk about desperation.

Point is, because of that, I was no longer mad and in less than few hours I'm already a happier person. All because I took some risk for the option I chose and be responsible for my own choice. Even if it were to fail, I always figured that I'll think of some other options then. What doesn't kill, only makes you stronger, beb.

Kesimpulannya, sudah-sudahlah membenci. Kita semua ada choice. Memang, selalunya untuk sesetengah orang, choice yang ada itu sangat limiting dan kejam. But isn't that what makes it all so interesting? Tolong faham, dunia ni tak dicipta dengan unsur-unsur keadilan (nothing to do with the opposition political party). Yang wujud hanya kontra. Dan kalau betul dia tak mahu exist dalam dunia ni dan anggap yang dia tak patut dilahirkan, then go. Commit fucking suicide! Prove that you really mean what you said!

Memang aku marah. Bukan sebab aku benci. Tapi aku mahu dia faham yang dia gagal bukan sebab dia dilahirkan. Pada aku, dia gagal sebab dia give up. Dan dia paling gagal bila dia tak tahu langsung rasa thankful. Tak tahu langsung hargai pemberian orang lain ataupun apa yang dia ada. You can blame your own mother for giving birth to you, blame god, blame fucking everybody else - but don't for a second, expect that your life can be better by doing this.

...Cos' to me you asked for all the wrong things and therefore, you got it!

Shit. 

Something Old. Something New.


The kind of shit you can do with your web browser today, under the name of personalization. 
I just do this to kill time. 
It worked.

Today..


...I applied for a writing job at Tourism Malaysia. I can finally say that I have the experience required now, but I don't know if I really wanna do this. Doubting my own capability, cos' I applied without thinking much. I clicked five times and there, resume sent. Only two things got me hooked - 'High income & willingness to travel.'

But regardless, by all 'will' - please, dear almighty, let me have this job. I craved for changes. I can't stand this normality. I can't stand breathing this air and not live. I can't stand having dinner and tasting the same food everyday. I can't bear looking at the same people who speak about the same things. I can't stand hearing the stupid music they play. I can't hold my breath any longer, pretending everything's okay. I just can't!

I must change cos' my soul is decomposing. Deteriorates to  a piece of worthless shit.

Thank god there's you. Though far and limiting, I have no qualms.  Just thinking that you and I co-exist, makes me wanna get out of bed and continue the day (while cursing).

Only you can validate my existence. Before you came, I don't exist. Remember that.


This one, for you.

There is a pink time box at the very end of this blog. It's Ireland time. So I won't chirpily greet him "Good Morning!" when it's suppose to be the evening. So that I do not have to ask him what's the time over there, everytime.

Harapnya, jam ni boleh pakai.

cap kelicap kelicap cap cap

photo by Rab

A month ago, if anyone were to ask me where would I rather be, I would probably tell them "It doesn't matter, as long as you have someone to share moments with you".

That hasn't changed, even now. Only that, I think, I would rather be somewhere real far from this place that is to me, full of people and sights which for some reason, always makes me wanna puke blood.

How can I not. When I see people around me, I see those eyes. Judgmental eyes. When I talk to them I can visualise them having bad thoughts. When I listen to them, I can only hear cockiness. When they preach about good things, it only makes me wanna smack em bitches up. When I get compliments, I just know they are either looking for reciprocation, envious or just waiting to measure my level of humbleness.  

So forgive me if other than my real close friends, my youngest sister and my parents, I have no intention or reason, whatsoever, to socialise and meet new people. No, not right now.

Yea, what's wrong with this picture?

Some things, never changed. That's fine. I never care about idiots anyways. Be, as stupid as you are...

..just don't bring me along with ya'.

Flash.

"Nothing impresses me anymore, except you."

18 Days of Miracles


He asked for my lighter twice the night we met.

He ended up asking for my number, that I refused to give. So I asked for His number instead. I said "Pray harder".

The next day I got sick. For some reason, I texted him saying "You must have been praying hard. Now you have my number-Guess Who?". This, was a life changing decision.

On the same day I got sick, He sent me to the clinic and texted I love you, after He sent me home.

I showed Him my house on the third date. And fourth.

On His birthday, four days after we first met, we were already a couple. We are twelve years apart.

The day after His birthday, we already had breakfast in bed together outside KL. This is also the first time we hold hands in public.

On the same day, I discovered his obsession (illness) towards buildings, maps and roads.

The week after, I've known practically all his friends. And so does He.

We watched Valentine's Movie, two days before Valentine's Day.

He whispered "Happy Valentine's, Honey", seven times to my ears on the eve of Valentine's.

On the 14th February 2010, I invited Him to visit my parents in Seri Menanti and He met, practically ALL my family. They all, loved Him.

We slept together everyday eversince, until He left for Co. Mayo on the 19th day.

It has only been ten days since He went away.

I have another 355 days more before we meet again.

...

Now that scares the shit outta' me.
 

Blog Template by YummyLolly.com
Sponsored by Free Web Space